Someone recently asked me, “Can the death of a loved one cause PTSD?” Speaking from experience, my answer was “Yes!”What is PTSD? It stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder! Is PTSD a mental illness? The American Psychiatric Association acknowledges it as a mental illness. Basically, the symptoms can include nightmares, flashbacks of traumatic experiences, panic or anxiety attacks, hopelessness, and severe depression. I have seen many women who suffered from PTSD due to pregnancy losses. Some individuals are unaware that the heart begins to develop in an embryo by the third week after fertilization. I personally thought that life started at conception! However, other individuals do not believe this to be true.
A baby does not look anything like a baby / human being at the beginning of conception. There are several individuals who really never took a complete look at the development of life from the very beginning. I know it took me years to understand how a new life starts. I now understand that the heart is the first organ in the human body that starts to develop as a functioning organ in a embryo. Actually the heart starts to beat as early as around 21 to 22 days after conception. So actually a heartbeat can be detected in a embryo at the 5th or 6th week of the gestation stage. But according to several different areas of the medical field a embryo heartbeat can be detectable on a transvaginal scan sometimes as early as 4 weeks after conception.
Some research has shown that by the 10th week of gestation, all four chambers of the heart have developed completely. Given time, by the 10th week of gestation legs, toes, arms, hands, and fingers are developing. The brain, spine, and the nervous system also start developing by the 4th week of gestation. Basically, let’s take a good look at what you have by week 10 of the gestation stage: you have a heartbeat, brain, nervous system, legs, toes, arms, hands, and fingers that are all present. Throughout the years, I have known several women who went into labor early and who delivered their baby as early as just 25 weeks of pregnancy. The question here would be, “Did the baby live?” In several cases the baby did live!
What was the outcome of having a baby at that early stage of pregnancy? I have personally had the chance over the years to watch several of these children grow up. They are amazing human beings. Many were born this early and had no birth defects. They were fragile, small babies but were blessed to have wonderful neonatal care after birth in a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit {NICU} facility to be given the chance to survive. However, not all babies are born in areas where this type of care is provided. And unfortunately, not all babies are lucky enough to be born without birth defects. I have a close friend who had a baby {son}, who was born early. She went into labor during her 26 weeks of pregnancy. He was extremely small and fragile but a fighter.
As of today, Samuel is 6 ft. and 175 pounds. A 16-year-old who is very smart and dreams of going to college after high school. He was lucky to be born without any birth defects or problems after birth other than being born early and small. I have multiple stories of babies born as early as even 22 weeks of gestation. Some babies survived, and several did not. I can honestly say that only two that I know were born with serious birth defects. Several years ago, I knew a woman who had a baby that was born with his heart on the outside of his chest. Surgery was performed, and he lived. Unfortunately, 3 years later he developed more heart problems and died. That little boy was a bright ball of sunshine and loved by his family.
I asked his mother several years ago whether she would have gone through with her pregnancy if she knew ahead of time about her baby’s problems. If she knew there was a possibility that one day he may have to face death. She provided me with a heartfelt answer and stated to me that in a short time her son made a huge impact on the lives he touched during the time he had on this earth. Even today, many people still remember this little boy.I find it no surprise that after several years not only are there adults who remember this little boy, but several children and teenagers. During his lifetime on this earth his courage, strength, love, and that wonderful smile are remembered by everyone. This child brought joy to everyone he came in contact with.
I was once told that from the time of conception to the day a parent takes their last breath, that is your child regardless. Losing a child during a woman’s pregnancy is very painful regardless of how far along the pregnancy had developed. I knew a woman {Joan} who had a miscarriage at 8 weeks and suffered from anxiety and severe depression because it was a traumatic experience for her. There was a woman {Carrie} who miscarried at 4 weeks of pregnancy. She was heartbroken and severely depressed, and withdrawn for over a year. Two years later, a coworker that she knew had a miscarriage during her 6 weeks of pregnancy. Carrie stated it brought horrible flashbacks of her own experience and how she felt during her pregnancy loss.
Women who experience a miscarriage, delivered a stillborn child, or lost a baby due to neonatal death are at an extremely high risk of developing post-traumatic stress disorder [PTSD}.I can personal speak from experience due to my first daughter who was stillborn. At that time I knew nothing about PTSD. No one explained anything to me as to how dreadful I would feel for a very long time after losing her. I was 32 weeks pregnant when I went in labor. That’s 7 months and 2 weeks. When it first happen I was completely emotionally numb. Afterwards, I suffered from nightmares, flashbacks, depression, panic attacks, and severe anxiety. Unfortunately, I had someone tell me once that it was not like I delivered a live baby. But to me she was still my baby.
There are many days when I think about her. I find myself asking, “What would she look like today? The holidays are strange because to me I feel like someone is missing from my life. I watch my other children who are now adults and think … “You know it would be amazing had she lived to enjoy this time with her siblings.” Especially since I am very close to my 3 siblings. Time has made the pain of losing her easier to deal with. But then again, when I heard of a woman having a miscarriage, especially a woman who has delivered a stillborn baby, it often brings back painful memories of what I went through with my own loss. There have been times throughout the years that something like that has triggered my own nightmares.
There are days afterwards I am very moody, and my anxiety is at an all-time high. It is odd that for a long time afterwards I would wake up in the middle of the night and think I heard a baby crying. I often thought that I was losing my mind. Years later when I was pregnant with my second daughter by my second husband, my anxiety level was especially high. Throughout my pregnancy, I worried about everything. I had nightmares, and would wake up in a cold sweat. I was terrified that the same thing would happen all over again and I would lose her as well. I am thankful for my loving and understanding husband as well as a friend that was a retired OB nurse who talked to me often during my pregnancy.
She encouraged me to think positive thoughts. She also helped to educate me on a lot of things I did not understand. And on the day I went to the hospital to give birth to my second daughter I was grateful that I had another elderly OB nurse that was there with me. That nurse held my hand and talked to me the whole time. I ended up with an emergency C-section, and I was fully awake during that time. I remember hearing my baby cry, and it was the most wonderful sound I ever heard. My husband was a truck driver and did not get to the hospital until after our daughter was born.Did my panic attacks or anxiety attacks go way after she was born? No, for several months they did not go away. I still had cold sweats and nightmares.
I would wake up in the middle of the night and go put my hand on her chest or back to see if she was still breathing. Losing a child at any stage of life is one of the most difficult moments of a parent{s} life. During the time that I lost my first daughter I was married to my first husband and we already had a son. Our son was 3 and a half years old. My first husband was in the military and overseas . He had meet someone else in which he became interested in. I was very young, already had a small child, going to college, working part-time, and pregnant on top of everything else. My stress level was high. I lost my daughter before my first husband came back to the state. It never bothered him.He had never shown any emotions or concern about her death.
We eventually divorced and went our separate ways. He has never been a father to our son we had together. To this day I have no use for “deadbeat dads!” I feel like if I had the emotional support, then maybe I would not have developed such an extremely bad case of PTSD. Strong emotional support is necessary for women who go through this loss at any stage. Years later, after attending college to further my education, I am thankful that I have been able to understand the damage that this can do to a woman’s state of mind. Support systems need to be in place for every woman to have the opportunity to reach out for help. It is critical to screen women after a loss for PTSD. Support systems should also be available for the men involved as well.
Many men suffer this pain.It may be a different kind of pain that a woman feels after a pregnancy loss, but they still are hurting from a loss. I had a neighbor, Randy, who once who looked forward to becoming a Dad. Regrettably, his wife went into early labor during her 6 month, and their little boy did not make it. I know for at least a year after that he was always depressed about it. On several occasions, he broke down and cried. Many men in this world love being a Dad. Although I often think of what my own Dad told me once, “Any man can father a child, but it takes a special man to be a Dad!”It goes to show men can be affected by PTSD involving pregnancy loss as well.Remember, although every woman going through a pregnancy loss needs a strong support system regardless of who it may be, so will their partners need that support too.
Note: Names have been changed in this article to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.
I hope you enjoy reading: The Pregnancy and Baby Loss Guided Journal: Your Space to Process, Grieve, and Heal After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Other Reproductive Loss (The New Harbinger Journals for Change Series) .Rachel Rabinor LCSW {Author}
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References
1.Scienceinsights. When Does a Fetus Hve a Heartbeat?Weeks Explained. https://scienceinsights.org/when-does-a-fetus-have-a-heartbeat-weeks-explained/
2.MedicalNewsToday. When does a fetus have a heartbeat? https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/when-does-a-fetus-have-a-heartbeat
3.AmericanSPCC. Stages of Fetal Development. https://americanspcc.org/pregnancy-stages-of-fetal-development/
4. Thames Valley & Wessex Operational Delivery Networks. Too small, too soon. https://neonatalnetworkssoutheast.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/Parent-Information-Booklet-Babies-born-25-weeks-gestation.pdf
5.Buckner.Understanding and supporting maternal infant loss. https://www.buckner.org/blog/understanding-and-supporting-maternal-infant-loss/
6. Psychology Today. Men Grieve Miscarriage Too. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stories-and-selves/202110/men-grieve-miscarriage-too

